you're gonna see me in your dreams tonight.

I'm just plain pissed off. Maybe that's the wrong word for it. More like feeling relieved that it's done. Things were just dumb and I should have not even gone back to this. I knew that he was an asshole and I told myself I would never start it again but I stupidly did. This time it's really the end. I don't really know what to do about it though. I don't know if he expect me to still talk to him all the time because I'm not down with that. I really don't need someone like him in my life if all he is gonna be is giving me shit and judging me. He is not a good guy when it comes to me. He is a two-faced asshole with the worst intentions. I know that I deserve better and it's not okay that he can get to me so much. He ruined my day and I hate that. From now on I'm not gonna give a shit about him and we will see what he does. He's gonna miss me and I know it. I was like one of his best friends and he will regret that he went about this the way he did. I will laugh so hard if he comes running back to me and wants me back and if he even TRIES to apologize for anything I will not even listen to that shit. Seriously I'm not down at all. He's so wrong for me that I don't even know why I liked him in the first place. Actually I take that back, I know why I liked him. It was merely because I had such low self-esteem that when someone, anyone, relatively nice showed interest in me I would give it a try. I know now that I shouldn't see it that way because I should be with someone who deserves me. I know my worth and I have yet to be with someone who treats me right. Maybe with one exception but let's not get into that. Shit sucks and he has fucked me over way too much and I guess I have finally learned my lesson. It just sucks that it took me so long. I just never listened to anyone when they gave me advice, but now I am that much smarter. So for that I thank you. Thanks for being an asshole.

hit em up

Back home from winter break.

Classes start today.

My break was satisfying. I did a lot more than I usually do haha.

Went to a few clubs and went down to san diego. A friend visited and stayed with me for a few days. Spent New Years with my girl. Overall I had a pretty good time but I am definitely glad to be back.

Don't really have much to say besides the fact that this year will be great. I can feel it.

2K9 is here bitchessss.

How Do You Sleep?

Been thinking about you..

Tripped the other day and when I thought I was going insane your name was the thing that brought me back and calmed me down. I did a lot of thinking.

I thought I was okay now but now I realize that I'm just in denial and I'm just ignoring how I feel. That is probably for the best.

You confuse me as well though. I think you've moved on because it seems pretty obvious but clearly you made a move on me that I resisted surprisingly. I don't know what to think. I used to regret ever telling you the story that was the reason for our breakup. I still kinda do but I don't like to think about that. I used to be so happy.

Not that I'm depressed or anything because you're like my best friend, but it used to be so much better. I still miss you, it's not the same.

Lose Your Head Just For Your Heart

It is almost the end of the quarter. Finals are next week and I am not stressing too much. Things have been good lately and I have actually been mostly happy for the first time since probably september. Things are just better now and I have overcome so much. At some point I didn't think I would, so it is a good thing. My hair is now partially purple as well. I like it a lot. I don't really know what else to say because I feel like I would always ramble about some guy when I would write in here just because I needed to get it out somewhere. I guess people write to get out their emotions and I mostly wrote to relieve stress and sometimes annoyance, although I do sometimes like to write when things are going really well for me too. Just strong emotion is a better way to describe it.

Looking forward to being home for a little while. Until next time. Ciao!

I could never run away from you.

I don't know. I really just don't know.

Why is it so fucking hard for me to let go? I want to, really, I do. But at the same time I really don't. I know there is still something there, I feel it. I still want it to work out somehow..
I miss him so much. I still can't stop thinking about him.

Guys try and hit on me and all that but I pay no mind to them. People wonder why I was ever with H, but they just don't understand. They think I could do better, but they don't know him like I do. He is so amazing.

I just really hope things work out eventually.
Only time will tell. It has been over a month since the split. I should be over him, but these little slip ups have messed with my mind. AND all the drunken flirting has as well..

Until then I will be listening to this every night before bed. My current obsession.